damn disappointed ;

Current Location: RP ; W16M
Current Music: Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home

hair trimmed.
new beginning?

hah, i think so. (: it all boils down to this psychological
thinking i guess. snipped went the scissors, down go
your hair with all your troubles. it's all where it started.
wasnt it?

your brain's the one who had been thinking thinking
and thinking. the more you think, the more white hair
you've got. hah! and guess what,the hairstylist found
one on my head! my very ever first white hair!

but she had it plucked out. hahas. so be it. (: it's a sign
of me thinkingtoo much. so off it went! hahas.

but i'm feeling damn shitty now. it's all down to the root of
trust.

this 2 person whom i dont wanna named actually doubted
my motive for nearing them. i felt so damn hurt when i knew it.

he had no intention of telling me what they had misunderstood
me. i'm the one who forced it outta him. thn he said it.

he said tht both him and her misunderstood tht i neared them
with the motive of wanting to get close with the seniors and him.
the him i liked. even if it's a misunderstanding, it's still a thought
which deny my care and concern.

couldnt they feel it? feel my concern for them when they met
into problems? when he cried because of another her, i dismissed
my need to rest for the next day and acc him. when she had
problems with another him, couldnt she sense the concern i gave
her is genuine? right from my heart? they couldnt. they couldnt
see all the goodness i've gave them.

all it took for them to have this thought was more of my concern.

i thought she ran into some problems. and when she ran into
any problems, she would always tell him. not me. for those
who knows me, im not one who would probe. if you're comfortable
enough to tell me, you eventually will.

so i didnt probe. i let her spent time with him. holding the hope
that she can resolve her problem real quick and back to her
bubbly self agn. tht's what in my mind and thus i didnt spend
my time with them. i stayed away. with my fren.

and they accused me of neglecting them. what is all these mann?
is this what i get for caring for them? is this what i get for allowing
her to speak her mind freely?

he asked if i'm angry. well, to say the truth i am. well who wont be?
to get doubted by the 2 person you've cared for? but my anger had
long been washed away. by the laughter my loved ones gave me. (:

but i couldnt deny the fact tht there are cracks alr. he asked if i
could meet him for lunch during the 1st or 2nd breakout. to say
the truth, i'm really not mentally prepared. and, i needa do my
ppt. so i rejected him. and guess what he said? he said tht i'm
unfriendly. -.-

what is this agn, may i ask? is rejecting you to lunch because i
wanna do my stuffs considered unfriendly? well in my
dictionary it's not. in his? yea it is. and nxt she came and
talked to me. asking if im angry with him. well i didnt reply.
'cause i couldnt bring myself to say no. and yet i couldnt say
yea either. 'cause given their character, they were sure to
repeat their mistake.so i didnt reply a thing. better let them
see it for themselves tht i'm alright.

and guess what the 2 of them did? they blocked me. ohmygod.
how far can this 2 get? eils had told me agn and agn not to let
his sensitiveness affect me cause it's not worth it. look now.
see what's happening now? you're the one who got hurt girl!
i suddenly felt so stupid. stupid for my stupid care and concern
which got me in this state.

i've told longfei. i'll never turn my back on my frens. until they
did. i've never once turned my back on them. and now they did.
hah, is that what you get for being good to them? they wont cherish
it. they wont. (:

im jst disappointed. really disappointed.